google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
