My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
