Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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