I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
