erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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