a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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