I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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