i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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