He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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