hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
