Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
