That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
