I could make wine with my vomit
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
