I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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