i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
