Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
