so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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