please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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