Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
