Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
