I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So much rum. So many feels.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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