I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
this hospital has no fireball
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
