Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
