I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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