Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Mom said you looked used
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
