dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
