I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
