I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You did what with his pubic hair?
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