my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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