i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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