i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
