I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
