guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He did a backflip because drugs
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize