We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
