East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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