Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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