At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
