Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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