forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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