Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
