maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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