just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I supernannyed him into submission
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
