So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
