Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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