i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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