I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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