That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
