also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
