i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My ass is underappreciated
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
