the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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