My liver just broke up with me...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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