This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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