Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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