The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
