Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
