We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
