Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
