I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
