I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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