I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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