I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
