My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
