I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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