dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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