is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
