just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
