Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
